Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize