Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
