We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
