Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
