Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
