I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
this boner is exhausting
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
