you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
