im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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