I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pants are for mortals
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
