Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
