yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
