watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
