He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
