Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
