quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
