Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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