you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
