Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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