i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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