Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
