Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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