Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
