I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
