Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
