she was so not down for the gang bang
Jerry, you need to find god
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
