So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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