I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
