Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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