I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
