I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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