I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
