It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
