I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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