I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
