You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
