It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
