She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize