New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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