Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
