kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
