new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
