lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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