she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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