Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
