Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
