I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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