Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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