Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Text me some of your sweat
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
