Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
