My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did I show you my penis last night?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize