Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
