i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
