I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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