he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
