I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
