I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
