Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize