I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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