I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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