ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
