I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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