Are we in a gay sports bar?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
