when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
