God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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