when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize