thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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