so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's the barista slut.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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