Midget sex pt 2 tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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