I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
