I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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