talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
