I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
