happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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