Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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