jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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